THE MANCHESTER UNITED VIRUS GROUP

1) The Manchester United Virus ... This is where your PC thinks it's far
superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting
anything that happened before 1993.

2) The David Beckham Virus ... This affects newer PC's mainly. The
computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works.

3)The Roy Keane Virus ... This one is particularly nasty and will
throw you out of Windows ...

4)The Alex Ferguson Virus ... The computer develops a continuous
whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower
(depending on how your day's been), than all the other computers in the
building.

5)The Fabien Barthez Virus .... This one's not particularly harmful -
but you just can't save anything.

6)The Neville Bros. Virus ..... Just when you think things can't get
any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.

7)The Ryan Giggs Virus ... The computer develops a processor problem,
whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. It also experiences
dramatic fluctuation in performance.

8)The Luke Chadwick Virus .... This is a particularly ugly one.

9)The Paul Scholes Virus . . . which works fine for the European
market but somehow fails to perform in Japan.

10) The Laurent Blanc Virus . . . . which is too slow for modern processes,
the lack of speed makes you look in disbelief at your monitor.

11) The Manchester United Shirt Virus... This one is especially hard
to detect as it changes it's format every 3 months